Seems I’ve been single forever, but I’ve never really felt lonely. Ok, the truth is, there were random moments when I actually did. But they are few and VERRRY far a part.
Anyway, today was one of those days when aloneness visited as I stood tout seule*. It didn’t surprise me as it did in times past; no, today it hunted me like a prey and tried as I did I couldn’t shake it, au’jourdui* it was out for a kill.
But I fought the fight, I dodged behind music and smiling at random strangers. I hid behind books, food and the many pictures I took.
But loneliness recognised my defence and sought aid from its twin, sadness. Me, sad? What the hell? The world could be tumbling over and I’ll say, “oh well, what’s the worst that can happen?” I said that today too, and the worst did happen.
In that moment of weakness the twins stepped in and stayed as close as my shadow even after the sun had gone to bed.
So I thought it was the best time as any to get God’s take on the issue. So I said, “God I’m feeling a little down right now.”
I didn’t wait for a response, I continued, “And I’m sure you know what it’s about. Can’t you just do for me what you did for Adam?”
For those who may not know, I was making reference to Adam, the first man to be created. He was given directions to be a good gardener, take care of Eden and to name the animals (like what was he thinking when he named the “Yak”?) Anyway, all the animals were coupled up, even the annoying mosquito had a mate and like most creatures, I think they may have even been seen a few times showing, PDA. Ok, long story short, (and I don’t know if Adam was lonely or if he even noticed really he was the only one flying solo), but God did. God saw and He intervened.
And He created for him a woman, whom he loved and named Eve.
My point is that, I needed God to do the same for me, find me a mate. I babbled on for a long while, telling God what He should do … Blah Blah Blah.
When I grew tired, that finally gave God a chance to respond and then He whispered, “Ruth, I see you, I knew you from the beginning of time and the gifts I have for you are unimaginable. Find joy in knowing that, “I got you!”
“But God…” I started, but knew I should shut up. My ears were required not my mouth.
God continued, “About your reference, what you need to understand is that Eve was made for Adam, not vice versa. Allow me to mould you for your Adam. Trust me, for before Adam knew it was even possible to have a mate, he had me and I was enough. Am I enough for you Ruth? For until I am, nothing else is, and loneliness and sadness will take the whole family of depression to reside in your life. I’ve brought you this far and I won’t leave you now. Don’t worry, I love you, when I’m all you need, you’ll be blessed with your wants.”
He then kissed me with the sunshine and with the wind swept away a million particles of my dry tears. But that’s not all that left with the wind; the clinging siblings of loneliness and sadness, though they clung tightly, where no match for the joy that enveloped me.
The thing is, I don’t think I’m alone, so for others like me who may be without a spouse, or a house, or a job or any other wants that you may have, just remember to, “seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you!”
God is the cake and icing! Material blessings are just the topper (not even relevant and sometimes not even edible).
tout seule* -All alone, by myself