I felt this push to leave Jamaica 2 years ago and I did.
In so doing I discovered myself and came face to face with my flaws and fears and for the first time in my life I was truly depressed.
Not necessarily sad or lonely but a mixture of the two and other emotions too many to name. For years I was busy doing what I had to in order to provide for those I loved. I also buried parts of my past writing them off as insignificant only to later realize that those were some of the very things that fashioned me into who I am.
Not all were rainbow and unicorns and I won’t even say necessary but they all contributed.
I’ve always loved my own company that’s no lie but this time around it was as though I were too much for just me.
I had finally stepped outside of my life and was looking on it and I got a better view. Some things were wonderful, almost perfect and then there were those- things about me I failed to believe but had to accept, change or simply move on from to be my better self.
I shan’t get into those details, but we all must walk that path and versions of ourselves we discover are parfois best left behind.
However, this journey has led me to more than ever always see the best in others. Yup, I’m the benefit-of-the-doubt girl. Thing is we never truly know who others are and what they are going through. Fact is sometimes we don’t even know ourselves. But who were really are defines how we treat with others.
So as I discover who and what I am and am not, I will be patient with those doing the same.
Now this same push that I had to leave Jamaica has reversed it’s function and I now feel a magnetic pull to my homeland. I clearly am one to follow these forces and so while I have contingency plans to stay I know I must leave.
I left for several reasons and I gained more than I could ask for and then some, but most of all I met me.
Why are all the forces calling we to my home?
I have no clue but like a child eager for knowledge, I’ll do what I must and observe, experience and absorb all I can. That’s until I once again am moved to move on.